Thursday, November 09, 2006

Paint, paint, paint...

My wife and I made a verbal agreement a year ago to fix up our house and put it on the market in May. May 2006, that is. I have ended up doing all of the work, and while I don't mind putting in the effort, I resent not having any help or support. I spent the entire summer repairing and painting the exterior of the house. I took one week off to go camping with my kids. Needless to say, I am plum worn out. It's down to painting trim indoors now and cleaning up. Whew! Only problem with that is that it will soon be time to start the "formal" separation arrangements. Scares the heck out of me.

So, is it just a mid-life crisis I'm starting to go through, or have I awoken to the fact that love is still out there somewhere? As I've mentioned in past posts, my marriage has been a wasteland of verbal abuse and anger for the past ten years. I thought I new love via my children and my beautiful Black Lab. Obviously, there is giving nurturing love, and then there is receiving it. I feel almost selfish wanting to be loved and nurtured again, but I honestly can't understand how a person can survive without it.

My problem, as has been pointed out so nicely by my blogger friends, is that I set my expectations and desires sky-high, with the obvious happening in the end, damn it all. I did find something which I thought was quite good for me. Unfortunately, the other half of the equation thought otherwise, with the result of much pain for me. I am curious by nature and enjoy a good challenge, so I usually throw myself fully into whatever turns me on. I suppose (in hindsight) , that's not the way to treat some (all?) relationships or people. Yikes, am I rusty!

My children have reported to me that my wife has been complaining about me to her friends again. Seems that I'm guilty of "rushing to a lawyer" (that was in July, for Pete's sake) in order to leave her. I don't get it, she's the one that wanted to split up originally. I suppose I'm a bit of a cash cow and baby sitter for her. Very convenient...

I truly feel bad for my kids. They are good kids and don't deserve to go through this mess. They have informed me that they want to live with me. Unfortunately, my wife thinks otherwise, and will fight this issue to the death.

Here's an interesting one... A while ago I asked my kids what they thought about the idea of me having a girlfriend down the road. They thought that was a cool idea, no problem. Then I asked them, "well, what about your Mother. What if she gets a boy friend?". The kids thought that was a most repulsive idea. I wonder why the different thoughts about the two parents?


Post a Comment

<< Home