Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Relapse No. 207

What's with the title, you might ask. It's another relapse of mine into anger. Today was a day mixed with frustration and anger. The last bunch of weeks of me being moody, grumpy and feeling sorry for myself have had some negative effects at work. My boss is beginning to ride me 'cause I've had a month of poor productivity (Who me? The model employee?). I've alienated my co-workers because they're getting sick of me (Tough, guys...). My best friend at work won't talk to me right now. And what do I do? I get angry...

My bad.

This business of remaking one's self hurts a lot more than I thought it would. If all this of this is a mid-life crisis, I'm thankful that it only happens once in a lifetime. But...I suspect it's more than that.

We had a tremendous snowfall a couple of days ago, and now the temperatures here are quite low (for the West Coast). It went down to about -12 degrees C. (about 11 degrees Fahrenheit) last night and it will probably get that way again tonight. It's a chilly 10 degrees C.
(50 F.) in my basement where I'm writing this post right now. Brrrr! Driving in the Vancouver area is always interesting when it snows; the municipalities are ill prepared to clear roads after a snow storm.

I shot some video on the way into work yesterday with my camera because everything looked so pretty under the snow. Note that I only shot video when I was on clear roads. :) See videos 1 and 2. The videos are nothing special, but I had fun with them. I also took some pictures on the way home. See pictures 1 and 2.

My appointment with the Retinal Surgeon was postponed yesterday because of the snowfall, but I did get in this afternoon to see him. He feels that the blood in my eye has lessened somewhat and he wants to wait and see me back in a weeks time. Evidently, past "injuries" to the back of the eye can weep blood from time to time, depending on stress levels, alignment of the planets, blah, blah, blah. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I've been spared the hypodermic needle to the eye for this week, so that's okay. Phew!

I am waiting eagerly for my wife to see her lawyer in a few weeks. I want to get the ball rolling as quickly as possibly for us. I have thought about moving out in December, but I realized that it might be nicer for the kids to have me here around Christmas. After that though.... look out! Here I come.

Even with all of my angryness and sorrowness (hmm...that's not a real word) I am determined to ensure that my attitude becomes more positive. Much of my anger today was created by others moaning and groaning away, and I can't stand that anymore. Onwards and upwards! Negative people stay away! Sticks in the mud stay away! People who are afraid to change stay away! Come on, let's take some risks!

Wow, I look back on this post and realize it's a jumble of thoughts and emotions just dribbling out. Note to self - get organized!

7 Comments:

At 3:38 AM, Blogger Åsa said...

Hey Greg! Don’t let the down periods discourage you. Change takes time. There are people around you who will not like that you are making progress, like yourself more etc. They will look at themselves and realise they can only blame themselves for being where they you’re your development is a threat to their “position” if you will. Some of these folks will no longer be your friends. But that’s ok. You will meet new people who are on the same journey. People who are interested in furthering themselves and want to be there with you.

These things take time. Not only have I had years of psychotherapy (still am), but I hop-on every opportunity I get to attend seminars, speakers and networks who talk about these things. How to find balance in life. How to let go. There must be tons of this where you live as well! Most of the things I go to are business related via my company’s CPA or from other managers. Have you done a lot of this already? I also read a loot of books. There are times I almost feel like I’m OD’ing on stuff like this, but it has helped me tremendous. My blog is also an outlet as yours seam to be.

Hope your eye gets better. It’s hard to keep up a good spirit when you are not well. But you are doing a good job! Remember: if this was easy – everybody would be doing it. You are one of the few brave ones.

Good idea to stay in the house for Christmas with the children. In all your soul-searching, it’s important to remember the children.

Take care!

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger nosthegametoo said...

Good Lord!!! We've all been there. So I personally have no problems wishing you Peace and Love in your life, and keeping you in my prayers during this difficult transition period.

Take care of yourself. I know that I'm not alone in my well-wishes.

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger Greg said...

Hey you two,
Thanks for your kind words.

Åsa - You are exactly right about people feeling threatened by change or by people changing. I've noticed a lot of that lately, and I suppose some of it is due to the changes I am going through.

I am fortunate enough to work for a company which supports it's employees with services such as psychotherapy. I have taken advantage of those services, plus I've seen other types of therapists also.

My blog is definitely my outlet, I truly enjoy writing and reading posts in it. Lots of fun!

Nosthegame - Thanks for the thought. Hope you're doing well.

Greg

 
At 3:52 AM, Blogger Mother Damnable said...

Hey!

Angry is good you know, it means you're still able to fight back.

When ever i am too depressed fro words I know when I get that feeling of rage I'm on the mend :>)

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger No_the_game said...

Greg,

Keep fighting with all that anger and self struggle. Budda says " If you do not know what is bad you would not value the good"

Believe me you are gonna come out of it STRONGER and smarter.

With luv,
No_the_game

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger No_the_game said...

Greg,

Keep fighting with all that anger and self struggle. Budda says " If you do not know what is bad you would not value the good"

Believe me you are gonna come out of it STRONGER and smarter.

With luv,
No_the_game

 
At 4:13 PM, Blogger Dawn of "Love is there..." said...

'ello! :)

Heee - congrats on your eye! Do you know what this means? It means you no longer qualify for what you did. I.e. you've healed to a level that wasn't expected. I had this happen with Lupus. They were sure I had it, and then one day they said nope, no sign of it, must have been a wrong prognosis - you have Rheumatoid Arthritis!

I'm looking forward to the day I go in and they say, "Rheumatoid arthritis? Nope, no sign of your ever having had it - just some faint inflammation, no big deal." :)

So, this is a *good* thing. You got better so fast that they didn't know what to make of it, and couldn't even give you the same prognisis you once had. :)

As for being a jumble of thoughts... This is a good thing, too. When things are calcified, that's when they're stuck. For you, your life has been thrown up in the air...and you're still sorting out what you want to do with them, where you want to direct your energy. That's good too, that you're not willing to settle for anything but what you really believe in, now. :)

Just know it's coming and keep those arms / that mind open, and allow. You're doing great! :)

*hugs!*
- Dawn

 

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