Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Manifesting...

I've been trying my damnedest to manifest me a new life. I'm so tired of all the negatives which seem to have latched on to me for the last five or six weeks. I've done a tremendous amount of reading on the "Law of Attraction" and I've begun to realize that I've apparently "attracted" a lot of this bad stuff due to my own bad moods and thoughts. What a vicious freakin' well circle. So, I think bad things 'cause they're happening to me, and then more crummy things are attracted to me. Geeze!

Perhaps the answer is to do some physical manifesting, instead of just wishful thinking. There is so much pain and fear inside of me right now that I feel like I'm stuck deep in a rut with no way out. Every move I make sends more waves of pain, fear and guilt through me. How did I ever get this weak?

I'm wise enough (Hah!) to know that I can't stay in this state much longer or some sort of insanity will prevail. I've gotten paralyzed by feelings of guilt over whats going to happen to my kids with the impending divorce, I've become paralyzed with pain over losing the start to a wonderful relationship with my friend. But... as I write this I know why I've fucked up so. And it is to do with my wonderful children. I feel so damned guilty about disrupting their lives because I can't get my own life together. Problem is, I can't keep on sacrificing my own happiness in order to keep this family life the same way it's always been. What an effing mess! This is truly driving me crazy...

I must take some sort of action tomorrow. I'm going to try and start cleaning up the financial mess I'm in. That will be a start. And I'm not going to give up on manifesting a better life for myself. The one huge wish I have right now is to simply be accepted and loved. I haven't felt this lonely for a long, long time and I can't handle it for much longer.

Stay tuned to see if I really do get off my ass and do something about my plight...

3 Comments:

At 10:59 AM, Blogger Dawn of "Love is there..." said...

'ello! :)

Thanks for the awesome compliment you gave me on my own blog! *beam*

You mentioned looking around at Law of Attraction stuff - have you checked out Abraham Hicks yet? Ask and it is Given is a great book. They tour the US constantly giving workshops and offering the workshops as weekly CDs. :) Their Daily Quotes this is also very nice. :)

Tut.Com is another good one, with the Infinite Possibilities cds and the daily Notes from the Universe e-mail. :)

I've been going through my own stuff. Seems a lot of people have had one hell of a November! Two of my friends are in the hospital and I've been having a rough time of it myself... Transition and Growth time, bigtime.

It's reap time, for all the seeds of change that were sown all year. Oh boy! ;)

I could say 'darkest before the dawn' or something trite like that, but I think instead I'll just say, "I hear ya. Here if you need someone to talk to - you know where to find me. :)"

*hugs!*
- Dawn

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger Greg said...

Thank you for your cheery comment!

Yes, I have checked out Abraham Hicks and found them to be absolutely fascinating, thank you.

It definitely appears to be a time for transition and growth for many of us. Is it the time of the year, or perhaps the time in our lives?

Thanks for your support, keep on writing!

Greg

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger Dawn of "Love is there..." said...

'ello! :)

I really do think the time of year has something to do with it. November - harvest time and all that. We also just went through the 11/11 portal - big time for change and stepping into mastery. :)

I remembered an Abraham Hicks quote that I thought would be appropriate, in regard to your not allowing yourself to be happy in a new relationship due to feeling guilty about your kids.

I'll paraphrase, don't remember it exactly, but it always hits me right where it counts. :)

"You can never be sick enough to make someone well...and you can never be unhappy enough to make someone happy."

I think, actually, when it really comes down to it - your being *happy* would actually make your kids happier. Punishing yourself and being miserable for their sake really doesn't do anything good for anyone. You would have more to give, by being happy! :)

I guess to do this would take some major guts, though. It would mean looking at what you did in the face and then claiming total ownership. That you did what you did, you would do it again in the same circumstances - instead of turning from it and beating up on yourself.

It's a hard road, to claim total ownership of your creation - a huge responsibility. Guilt and all that comes with it is one way to spend a lot of time not doing this... But once you do, watch out! The whole world opens up, and you end spend less time going in circles acting and doing as others have told you they think you should, or you think you should, etc. etc., and more time actively facing forward into the future, where your true power resides. :)

Just a thought! :) I hope this isn't coming across as preachy or judgmental. :P It's something I've had to face, over and over, many times. A lesson I keep learning, over and over, that gets a little easier every time. :}

*hugs!*
- Dawn

 

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